Myrtle reimagined

 *Due to lots of hate towards Myrtle in class I have decided to write a short story told in the eyes of Myrtle about when she met Tom on the train car (some parts are redone and reimagined)

The soft hum of the engine of the train comforted Myrtle. She was travelling alone, something most women were apprehensive to do, but she wasn't scared. Quite the opposite in fact, she was going to visit Catherine, her sister, and was quite excited for the fun night of cheap booze and conversation ahead of her.  She looked outside the train car. The greenery sped past her in a blur; she could almost make out the faint image of New York in the distance. Lulled by the soft hum of the engine, Myrtle could feel herself drifting in and out of sleep when suddenly out of the corner of her eye she spotted a man staring at her intensely. He was tall or at least seemed, so it was impossible to tell with him sitting down. He had dark brown hair that was slicked back with a pomade of some sorts.  He seemed fit or at least like he had once been an athlete but still somehow retained some of that vitality and strength. But the thing that struck Myrtle most of all were his eyes. She has never seen someone with such piercing blue eyes before. His eyes were a sea of deep blues and they reminded Myrtle of a painting she had seen in the Newspaper once. She sat up staring back for a second before realizing her faux pas and looking up and pretending to read an advertisement stuck to the ceiling. She took a peek out of the corner of her eye and realized he was still staring. Pretending to grab something from her bag, myrtle tried to ignore him a task that felt impossible with the way she could feel his eyes burning into her. She looked back at him again, just to check, and realized why exactly he was staring at her. His eyes weren't fixed on Myrtle's face rather they surveyed her body in a way that felt ravenous and unsettling. Any previous feelings of attraction that she had felt now gave way to unease and repulsion. Is my outfit too vulgar? She wondered in disgust not at him but herself and her body. But when she looked at her clothes, they seemed normal enough. She looked back at him once more realizing his stare had come to rest not at her face but rather another part of her body. Feeling sickened by the thought of being lusted over, she turned away from him in her seat, trying to hide her body with her bag and newspaper. Suddenly she heard the announcement 

"We are approaching our 5th station Manhattan" 

  Instinctively Myrtle got up, almost in sync with the man. She walked to the end of the train car, stealing glances behind her to see if he was following. Sure, enough the man followed her at a respectful distance all until they got to the end where he pressed against her arm with his silk white shirtfront. As Myrtle tried to maneuver around him her eyes caught notice of the silk. It looked rather expensive and with the dress pants and shoes he was wearing Myrtle started to get an idea of what kind of man he might be. Maybe a Banker, broker or lucky gambler but most importantly he looked rich. His eyes bore into Myrtle once more and she could feel that unsettling feeling creep back in. She turned her back to the man and could now directly see his reflection in the glass on the train door. She sneakily stared at the reflection taking note of the luxurious watch and ring he was wearing. He looked wealthy but it was really his confidence and demeanor that made Myrtle believe he was. Wealthy men always seemed to have a relaxation about them that wasn’t typical of the average working New Yorker. Myrtle had wished to be wealthy once. When she was young and naive. But life had quickly brought her crashing down to earth. She turned around looking up into his face. Surprised he stared back into her eyes. Myrtle began to feel a flicker of excitement looking at him. Sure he was lustful and creepy but he was paying attention to her and only her. Staring at him made Myrtle realize that perhaps he could be an advantage for her, and it especially didn't hurt that he was giving her more attention than her husband had in the past 5 years.  Myrtle wasn't used to attention like this, as a girl she would often get picked on for being on the larger side and for most of her adult life she was taught to settle because she "wouldn't get much better" as her mother always said. That was what drove her to marry George Wilson a flat broke car mechanic who had as much energy within him as a soggy biscuit. Myrtle had always wanted more for herself a life of luxury, wealth and attention and when she looked at this lustful, rich, handsome man she saw a way to get it. In fact, it was the ONLY way for her to get it. She was a woman of the 20th century she had no rights to autonomy and certainly no ability to work at a fulfilling job. Perhaps if Myrtle satisfied this Man, he could provide her with everything she dreamed of. As myrtle thought more and more of how she could exploit this man that likely only saw her for her body her digust and unease turned into resolve. "You can't live forever; you can't live forever" she reminded herself. Wasn't it better that she enjoyed her precious life rather than toil away in the Valley of ashes with her dull, dumb husband? As Myrtle turned to look at his face she realized exactly what she was going to do and brushed off any guilt she could've felt for her actions.  

"You're a beautiful girl" he said looking anywhere but her face

"Thank you" 

"Now why is such a beautiful girl spending all her time alone, why don't you come with me"

"I'm not sure if I can, I have to go meet my sister"

"Oh, I'm sure you can spare some time for me"

"Where do you want to go"?

"How about dinner"

"Well, alright"

yearners are kinda pathetic

 This week in AP lang we read more of the Great Gatsby and had the opportunity to learn more about how Gatsby and daisy's relationship blossomed. Gatsby and daisy's relationship started 5 years ago when both were relatively young and naive; they were madly in love and sadly separated when Gatsby had to leave to serve in WW1. But for the entirety of the 5 years that Gatsby and Daisy were separated, he pined for her relentlessly and really only wanted Daisy. He yearned for Daisy in a way that felt loving but also unnerving? I mean buying a house right across from his ex-lover's just so he can be in proximity to her feels a bit stalkerish yes? Something about Gatsby or rather James Gatz should be noted at this point, however. 

He was poor.

Now, I don't mean this in a derogatory way or that it's a defining characteristic of his. But rather just an observation that James Gatz or "Gatsby" really only became Gatsby when he began to idolize money and luxury. 

While Gatsby's origin is speculated about throughout the book, it is finally revealed to us by Nick that Gatsby was born a poor man to relatively normal parents. In his youth he wandered a bit throughout the country and ultimately stumbled upon Dan Cody. Dan Cody was the epitome of wealth, a rich old white man that traveled the country in his yacht. Gatz was immediately drawn to him and the fact that by being close to Cody, Gatz would inevitably be able to learn the ways of the wealthy and live in proximity to them. And while he never actually received any of the money Dan Cody had promised to him, he had effectively begun the process of becoming Gatsby. Gatsby was a man that was ridiculously wealthy and luxurious. He threw grand parties and was educated at world class institutions. Through this proximity to Dan, Gatz became Gatsby. A man obsessed with money, class and luxury. 

Now while many might say that Gatsby doesn't display this kind of money hungry attitude in the book, there is no real reason for him to. He isn't obsessed with making money he is obsessed with being a part of the society that money and wealth give him access to. Hence why he yearns for Daisy so much.

Daisy isn't just a person to Gatsby, she is the personification of all of the things that James Gatz once idolized: Money, Luxury and Class. Now while some might say that Gatsby was just wildly in love with Daisy, which he obviously is, it's obvious that she is so much more than that. Otherwise, why else would Gatsby try and convince Tom that daisy was leaving him for her without talking to her about it first, you know like mature, responsible adults? Gatsby yearns for daisy because she is the final obstacle he has to reach before fully transitioning from James Gatz to Jay Gatsby. He needs the high class, luxurious, beautiful woman on his arm to finally feel like a fully platonic Gatz. Sure, he's in love with her but combined with his obsession with wealth? Daisy is a representation of something he has to prove to himself he can get and by relentlessly pining for her, constantly pushing her to leave tom and getting close to people she is around he might just be successful.

The only real reason that Gatsby yearns for Daisy is because he idolizes what she represents, and he yearns for the power that it gives him. Yearners often aren't actually in love but rather love what the people they pine after represent to them. 

Yearners are pathetic, sad people that love power, real love comes from human connection and isn't pushy or impatient like Gatsby. 

Is Nick Carroway Gay?

 This week in Lang we read the first 2 chapters of the Great Gatsby and were introduced to the characters. Our narrator is Nick Carroway, a New Haven grad, WW1 veteran and resident of West Egg on Long Island. He has recently moved to New York City in order to learn the bond business and make a living for himself.  Nick is characterized as a very reserved man who actually dislikes when people confide in him. His father has influenced him to be much more reserved about his judgements, and this influences him to be less outspoken about how he feels. At the end of Chapter 2 we get the first insinuation of Nick's sexuality when he wakes up next to Mr. Mckee in his bed while he is "clad only in his underwear". While this scene can be interpreted in different ways, most can agree that this insinuates that Nick and Mr. Mckee did in fact sleep together. While sitting in bed Mr. Mckee reads out names from his portfolio "beauty and the beast, loneliness, old grocery horse and brook'n bridge". All of these names can be interpreted in a way that alludes to characters and events in the story. In fact, many people have used the presence of the portfolio to say that it is unlikely that Nick would have had relations with Mr. Mckee and then shown him his portfolio as he was in the process of leaving. And while this could be true, I actually believe that this scene was meant to show Nick putting an intoxicated Mr. McKee to bed ("standing beside his bed"). Although that still doesn't explain the underwear? This illustrates the number of questions within this scene due to its rather vague nature, but it's obviously meant to be that way because of the rather vague uncertain nature surrounding Nick. We don't know a lot about Nick up until this point and this kind of shows there is more to him than the well off, New Haven grad everyone thinks he is. He is just as mysterious as his relationships and his reserved nature makes it so that he doesn't give away as much information about himself as some other characters might (Myrtle and tom). 

Another reason for this vague uncertain nature surrounding Nick is because of his unreliability as a Narrator as shown by his preconceived notions about himself. As I stated before in the beginning of the book Nick establishes himself as a very nonjudgmental person that keeps his judgement reserved. This is directly disproven throughout the chapter with the amount of judgement that Nick passes on people. Specifically, this is shown with Tom who Nick describes at one point to be condescending and act as if he was above Nick, "just because I'm stronger and smarter and more man than you are". These aren't Tom's actual words rather Nick is judging Tom and his behavior as if Tom believes that he is better than Nick. This is one of the first few examples we see of Nick being an unreliable narrator and directly contradicting himself. 

Another part of his unreliability as a narrator is the disjointed way in which he relays information. In the end of Chapter 2 when he writes about his experience with Mr. McKee he gives away very little and writes in a way that is quite confusing for the reader to discern. He completely skips from them being on the elevator to them being in Mr. mckee’s bed and I think it clearly shows how Nick himself is a biased and unreliable source. His inability to relay information clearly contributes to the mystery surrounding him. 

In conclusion, I think that the unsurety of Nick's sexuality and the disjointed way he writes about his experience with Mr. McKee show his unreliability as a narrator and how his thoughts are in fact quite biased. He is unable to portray himself clearly to the reader and seems to be purposefully leaving out information so as to create confusion and mystery.